Real Romantic Relationships Versus Wishful Thinking
As much as we don’t want to admit it, popular media is absolutely horrible at teaching anything about how a real relationship works. Even in movies and books that are specifically called ‘romance’ or everlasting love, the romance is, at best, silly. At worst, it can sometimes come off as creepy or abusive.
Given that, it’s no wonder some people have an unhealthy or unrealistic view of what a relationship is supposed to be. Many people have the idea that when you meet ‘the one’, everything will fall into place and you’ll be able to make the relationship work with the power of love. That’s not even remotely true. The real truth is that a relationship, any relationship, requires work. You and your partner have to communicate about your needs and desires. You can never presume your partner will know what you want if you haven’t told them.
It’s a nice fantasy to think that your lover will be able to just pick up on your needs and provide for them. Unfortunately, that’s exactly all it is, a fantasy. Your partner can’t know something if you haven’t told them. Not only that, but there’s often a learning curve. If your partner is willing to do something for you, but they’re not used to doing it, it may take them a while to get in the habit of doing it at all. It’s not that they’re unwilling, but expecting them to figure out how to meet your needs perfectly, the very first time they try, is unrealistic. No one learns everything, immediately.
It’s also important to understand that people are still human. It’s difficult to imagine that your partner might be off giving attention to someone else. But the simple truth is that a relationship is built on trust. If you can’t trust that your partner is off with a friend and is not going to break the agreements of the relationship, then it’s probably better to not be in a relationship with them. You may be right, and they can’t be trusted. You may be wrong, and you’re simply being paranoid. Either way, if you can’t have that trust, the relationship is doomed to fail.
These are just some of the many ways a real relationship is not like a fantasy relationship. Real relationships take work, communication, and understanding. They don’t just happen magically, and no one falls deeply in love over one grand gesture.